Your wedding registry is an important part of your overall wedding plan, but it comes with so many questions. Where does the information belong? How many registries should you have – or should you even have one at all? How do you let people know about it without seeming greedy? Can you get creative with it, or does it need to be a traditional assortment of home goods?
The whole registry thing can get weird, let’s just admit it. Your guests expect you to have one (or more) and don’t want to have to dig around to find it, but you don’t want to seem crass by making a blatant “ask” for stuff. It seems easiest to put every last bit of information on the wedding invitation, as it’s one piece that all of your guests are almost certainly going to see – but is that right? Let’s talk about it.
Does the registry info belong on the wedding invitation?
In short, no. In fact, any mention of gifts – even “No gifts, please.” – shouldn’t be on your invitation. If that seems surprising, think about the message you’re wanting to send with your invitation. That’s a topic we talk about a lot here, and it’s important to keep it in mind as we think about your registry.
What message do you want your guests to receive when they read your wedding invitation? You’re wanting to make a moment with your guests, and it’s safe to assume that you’d rather them be thinking about sharing in the joy of your wedding day than planning a trip to Target, Bath, & Barrel.
Remember: Your wedding invitation should be about inviting your guest to celebrate with you because of the relationship that you share. It’s not just information, it’s connection. Don’t lose sight of that.
Where does the registry info go, then?
Even though it doesn’t necessarily belong on the wedding invitation, it’s still an important piece of information that your guests should be able to find easily. After all, whether formal etiquette requires them to do it or not, your guests are most likely expecting to give you a gift.
So, make your registry info available in three places:
Shower Invitation – Since the whole point of a wedding shower is to “shower” the bride (and groom) with gifts, it’s completely appropriate to have registry info on this invitation.
Wedding Website – Whether it’s a full-scale, multi-page site with video retrospectives and embedded Google Street Views of every venue or a simple facebook page, a wedding website is a perfect secondary place to put all sorts of details including links to your wedding registry. Of course, putting a link to your wedding website is totally appropriate for your wedding invitation; and if you’re following our advice about RSVP’s, you’ve already got this covered.
Word-of-Mouth – Let your wedding party know the details, and put them to work! No, they don’t need to canvass the guest list making phone calls, but almost all of your guests are connected to at least one person in your wedding party. On the off chance that they’re not, it’s still OK for guests to ask you personally about any details not covered in the invitation, including the registry.
How many places should we be registered?
One to three is alright. We’ve seen some brides use catch-all gift list services, though that can add some complexity for your guests. Keeping it simple will help your guests avoid duplicate gifts, and limiting your number of registries to three or fewer will make it easier for guests to find something quickly.
Should we even have a registry at all?
Yes! Whether you’re a couple of 20-somethings starting your lives together, or two people coming together to enjoy the later seasons of life, a registry is a totally appropriate thing to have.
When Melissa and I got married, our registry was a mix of things that reflected our personalities. We were 26, and each of us had lived on our own for several years, so we had many home goods covered. While we did register for some home items, we had fun things on there as well. Some were even ridiculous in order to get a laugh. Wherever you and your future spouse are in life, make the registry yours!
Can we register for cash?
Sure! Here’s a tip, though: Just asking for cash can come across as a little crass in many cultures. People will give to vision more than they will to a blanket statement of need. So, if you’re wanting to make the dream honeymoon happen, or you need help with the down payment on your first house, let people know! Give them some thing to give toward by casting a vision of what their gift will mean to you, and make them feel like they’re a part of helping you realize a dream.
Of course, in some cultures, cash is the standard wedding gift, and that’s totally alright too.
What about giving to charities instead?
One creative idea we’ve seen from some couples who may not need traditional registry items is to list a charity or two that guests can elect to support instead of purchasing gifts. Sometimes this is done to a medical research foundation in honor of a deceased parent, or as a means of supporting a non-profit or missions organization that the couple will be involved in. Whatever the reason or the cause, this can be a good option that fulfills the guest’s desire to give you something you appreciate while not filling your new home with something you don’t believe you need.
A final word
Getting your registry info to your guests doesn’t have to be complicated and awkward. Get the information in the right places, make it easy, and make it clear. If you need towels and a skillet, don’t be afraid to ask for those things. They may not be flashy, but they’re necessary. If you want to ask for something else, or on behalf of someone else, paint a picture for your guests to give towards.
However you do it, don’t forget: The purpose of any gift is to celebrate and honor the one receiving it. Do it with grace, stay focused on the real reason for your celebration, and the rest will take care of itself.